On January 23, 2020, we welcomed our third child into the world. 2020 appeared to be off to a magical start.
jarrod
Paternity leave for our children has always been a cherished time for me. You get an opportunity to disconnect with work and other obligations, while at the same time being fully present with your family. Navigating through new territory with three kids was challenging. And sure, after our first family outing, we did run to buy a minivan and now we won’t look back. We always savor that time at home, knowing it will be short-lived. At least we thought so.
After feeling very grateful and renewed by my time at home, it was back to work for me. Like many of us who return to a modern workplace, my first week was consumed with sifting emails and creating action items. Rumblings of a global virus swirled around my second week in the office. By the beginning of the third week, our division was sent home and on mandatory telework due to COVID-19.
The idea of working from home didn’t seem bad at all. I would be with my family again. Plus, it wasn’t uncommon for me to work at home in the evenings, so I was prepared to hit the ground running. My wife was still on maternity leave for all of March and most of April, so she managed the house while I was focusing on work. She eventually returned to work in April and would also be working from home. The days started to slowly shift from productivity to a place of uncertainty. Nonetheless, we did our best to keep up with our work, help our seven year old end her school year online, keep our 3 year old engaged, and be present for our newborn.
In early June, I accepted a new position that provided a greater trajectory for my career. It was a wonderful opportunity. One stipulation for accepting the position was that I wanted also to maintain a prior program that I had helped build. It would be a lot of added responsibility, but I was ready to take on the challenge.
The next six weeks turned into a whirlwind. I found myself working many more hours than I anticipated and began missing things happening in my home. I inherited deadlines from the prior program manager and I could see they were far away from being met. All of this started to take a heavy toll on me. I was up to 7-8 meetings each day, sometimes missing the very meetings that I called. I knew this would not end well for me in a leadership role, and I had to figure it out quickly.
After a few more weeks, I started drafting a letter to my management. I enjoyed this new role and was very capable, but with everything happening at our home, I knew that I was not the right person for the job at that time. I sent the email, thanking my boss for the opportunity and her investment in me, but I needed to step down.
The letter was met with extreme kindness and support for my family. In fact, my boss shared similar stories about times where she would have gone back to her younger days and chosen differently. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and the idea that honesty in fear of failure could be a good thing.
Rarely do you see a leadership lesson learned from waving the white flag. I sure didn’t see it coming, but I wave it humbly. Often in my work and spiritual life I have relied on pride as a motivator for my decisions as a leader, instead of honestly evaluating the circumstances around me that guide me to those decisions. So for now, I remind myself that my current leadership roles are imperative to the season that I’m currently in—the season with a minivan.
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